Xenophobia Extravaganza

This entry is written entirely for the inhabitants of the island off the coast of Europe. You guessed it, the English. They are not all bad, I met some wonderful people from across the channel. Many cheers go to Big man Dan, one of the friendliest people on the planet. And there is a difference between the English who live here and those you just come here as a two-weeks-millionaire.
It is the latter I want to discuss.
For starters, if you cannot handle alcohol, stay clear of it. This is what we call common sense. Which brings me to the next point. Common sense tends to be common, but apparently it is not in the English gene pool. I guess years of inbreeding, teenage pregnancies and watching too many LiverFool matches has a lot to do with this.
If you do plan to get drunk, do it in a place where many people know you. Like your local pub, for instance. The Boar and Arms is as good a place as any and it's just at the end of your street, not far from your warm cozy bed. See, you don't even have to come to Thailand.
If you wander to a streetbar at 3 AM, already drunk, then why do you keep on drinking. Of course the Thai bar owner will give you more booze, because he is only interested in your money. Not because he likes you and wants to hear how many Thai lasses you snogged in the past week.
Then if you stand up and you happen to step on my foot, you can do two things. Keep walking or turn around and apologise. You do not turn around and offer to smash my face, because apparently I was in the way of your drunken path, which happened to lead backwards. And here is the common sense again. You do not offer to smash my face if you do not know where you are and you are surrounded by six Thai guys who I happen to know. I wouldn't even need to stand up. And let me add, Thai guys never fight fair. The three in front of you won't move a finger, it's the three parading around your back you should be afraid of. There is enough evidence of that on Youtube. Furthermore, if you and drunken sorry ass stumble into a streetside shop and wreck the displays, you will have to pay for it. Don't turn around and say it won't be happening. You will pay, be it with money or your physical health.
So, moral of this little tale: Trade Bangkok for Scarborough and you will make many people very happy.