Me vs them

One thing you have to take in to account when moving to another country are the cultural differences. When you stay on the same continent these are not that big, for instance you learn to live with Germans munching on larger than life sausages while watching Scheissemovies, Brits being bloody hooligans and Spanish being lazy bastards as they go sleeping in the middle of the day. But when you're moving to Asia things are a bit different. These people have a totally different way of life. Asia is big and I'm going to focus on Thailand, because that is where I live now.

For instance, where I come from, people eat 3 times per day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. In Thailand, people eat 6 times per day and when you look closely it comes a lot closer to 20 times. They are eating all the time. Maybe that's why it takes so long to get things finished around here.

Good thing for them is that they don't eat a lot of fats, so they stay skinny. And of course not every Thai eats this much, the beggars have to satisfy themselves with one portion of sticky rice per day, or was that sticky lice?

And actually this doesn't bother me at all. There's nothing wrong with people eating.

The thing that bothers me the most is the "cultural perception of time". In other words, Thai are always late. When you make an appointment at 9 o'clock, be sure to see your counterparty at 9.30 or even later. The longest I had to wait for someone was 75 minutes and this was not even business-related.

When they arrive eventually, there is always an excuse, there was too much traffic, it was raining. This is just a way of telling you that they were too lazy to get their ass of the couch or they couldn't be bothered meeting you.

I once had a meeting and the email stated: the meeting will start at 2-3 PM. Can somebody please enlighten me what time i had to be there? As a good boy from the western world I was there at 2 PM and the meeting started at 2.30. At first this really gets to you. Being 5 or 10 minutes late doesn't bother anyone, but the Thai way is really testing people. But then again, you learn to live with it. When you have an appointment, be sure to bring a book or an MP3 player.

The last thing I hear many farang complain about is the telephone conversation, especially with their Thai girlfriend. In the West a telephone conversation starts with: Hello, how are you?

In Thailand it goes as follows: Hello, where are you? So either they don't trust the farang boyfriend or they are very insecure about people's whereabouts. Or just making sure he's not in the area because she is with another guy. This is all possible.

After 5 months you see things in a different way. Tourists can't be bothered with cultural differences, because 2 weeks later they are on a plane back home. Expats have to live with this, live through the ordeals.

But as stated before: just go with the flow.

Lazy Sunday afternoon

Every week it comes back. And every week there is that same question. What to do on a Sunday afternoon? You could stay indoors and listen to Small Faces songs or go outside and enjoy. Well, seeing that Bangkok is not the same as Europe, there is always something to do. All shops are open and the city is loaded with events. But there are other things one can do in this City of Angels. One of the funnier things is to go to a place which has escalators, like big shopping malls or the underground and skytrain stations. Upon arrival, look for a nice spot where you can see people getting on and off the escalators. In my opinion it looks like Thai people always get on these things for the first time in their life. Almost falling over, leaning backwards, never smooth like it should be. This can cause some trouble during rush hour, people trampling on each other, scared to make the move and waiting for the next piece of escalator to appear and hopping on like a cow suffering Parkinson's. This activity can be funny for about 15 minutes. So it's on to the next one.

Go to the park and watch people jogging. Mind you, it is about 2 o'clock in the afternoon and 35°C. Who in his right mind would go jogging? Just sit on a bench with a big bottle of water and maintain that courteous smile on your face. Don't let it turn into a grin, because then you're just offending people. Just enjoy your cold water and watch people die of dehydration as they jog along.

One of the big tourist attractions in Bangkok is the Chatuchak weekend market. As the name implies, this takes place during Saturdays and Sundays. It is a huge area where you can buy just about anything for a decent price, the haggling is up to you of course. This place is featured in lonely planet, the rough guide, frommer's, just about every travel guide on the planet. So this means just about every tourist wants to come here. Big mistake. You see, most of the market is indoors with very narrow walkways. Take into account an outside temperature of 35°C, thousands of people and the smell of dried fish, Chinese concoctions, beggars and sweat. I just love how some farang try to make it back outside where they are met by the scorching heat. Watching people go crazy and mental, don't you just love it.

So if you're bored on a Sunday afternoon in Bangkok, just do one of these three activities, or all of them. And they are free of charge.

Really?

As you will probably notice, this will not be a regular blog, not daily, weekly or monthly. It will appear whenever I feel like writing it. So be patient. It will never be of high standard, it will never win a Pullitzer, but who cares.

In Europe we know Indians from their fine restaurants where you can enjoy a nice spicy meal with an exotic name and drink watermelon punch. Here they exist too, and they are much cheaper too, which is very much appreciated. But in Thailand Indians are very well-known for something else, their tailor shops. You can't walk a mile without passing a couple of these. I don't mind, everybody needs to make a living. But what I don't like is, because there are so many, they need patronage. So they sit outside and wait until a farang walks by. This is when it starts. Let me tell you something, in case one of these tailors reads this, I am not your friend, your mate or your brother. I have one brother and he is not an Indian tailor in Bangkok. I walk past in shorts and flip-flops, showing my tattoos, why would I be interested in a tailor-made suit? And I walk past here almost every day, so by now they should know me, but no, everytime I have to endure it. "Hey my friend, I make suit for you, very good price, only today discount." Every day they say the same, so maybe if I wait long enough and add up the discounts, I get a suit for free. And maybe you are thinking now, if you don't like this, just cross the road. I wish I could do this, but it's the same scenario on the other side of the road. The best thing to do is just ignore them, not saying a word and just continue walking. Twenty Thai people walk past and one farang, they will only address the farang. The Thai people are business men wearing suits, the farang is wearing shorts and sandals and a t-shirt which says "I am a dumb tourist, please release me of my money". The same goes for tuk-tuk drivers. If you don't know what a tuk-tuk is, please google. There are hundreds of Thai people walking by and one farang, they will only address the farang. "Hello sir, where you go?" "You want taxi?" If I want a taxi, I will take a taxi, if I want a tuk-tuk, I will come to you and ask for a ride. But wait, this guy will take me to my destination for only 10 baht? That is a bargain. Eventually you will get to your destination, after having visited numerous shops which are of zero intrest to you, but the tuk-tuk driver brought you there, so he gets some money from the shop owner or gas coupons. If you do happen to take a tuk-tuk and he's bringing you straight to your destination, he will probably be charging you double or triple. There is one way around this. Get to know Thai people. Take a tuk-tuk accompanied by a Thai person and you will pay a lot less, sometimes even less than taking a taxi for the same ride. I kid you not, it has happened to me. So what we learn here is, it is ok to rid the farang of his money, but be honest to our own. After a while you get used to this and you just walk past it. You don't notice them anymore. I go where I want to go when I want to go. Therefore I love taking the underground or the skytrain, no hassles. But sometimes it happens by accident. You do some late night grocery shopping, yes that is possible here, some supermarkets are open 24 hours, you get into a taxi and you tell him you want to go home, it is midnight after all and you got four bags of groceries. The driver nods and we take off. After two minutes the obviously blind to my bags driver says "You want to go disco?" Of course, nice mister taxi driver, I want to stand in the middle of the dancefloor waving my four bags of groceries around. Some people really don't have a clue. After a small discussion that I really wanted to go home because of my obvious luggage, he told me only drops people of at the disco. So I get out and take the next taxi that comes along, luckily there are more taxis in Bangkok than sheep in New-Zealand. The next one is a very nice old man who drops me off right at my doorstep. Thank you very much.

Because of the vast area that Bangkok is, it is impossible for every taxi driver to know every nook and cranny. I really do understand this, but 80% of the time I seem to get stuck with the cabby who has been in this lovely city for three days. You open the door, tell them where you want to go, they nod, you get in, and two minutes into the ride they ask you where you want to go, they have no idea, they start calling people, you start calling people, and in the end you get there, but this is not how it is supposed to be. If you can see the driver is an old man, take that taxi. These guys have been around very long and know exactly where you want to go. If it is a young fellow, he will know all the hip and trendy dancing spots, but don't ask him to drop you off at a temple he doesn't know about. Taking a taxi here is always a gamble and an unexpected adventure. If you really want to complain about this, there is a number of the taxi company in the taxi, every driver has his license on display with his name and number, so just call them and complain. But wait, this can't be right. The guy in the picture looks 50 and the driver is only 25. That's right people, 95% of the time, the driver is not the guy in the picture, these guys change cabs like they change underwear, so there is no use in complaining, just do it the Thai way, go with the flow.

Just go with flow.